From Aqueon@AOL.COMFri Mar 1 20:09:26 1996 Date: Fri, 1 Mar 1996 19:45:03 -0500 From: Aqueon@AOL.COM Reply to: starfleet@netrail.net To: starfleet@netrail.net Subject: Some Humorous Quotables (SF Listserve) Just some items I've been collecting for light-hearted purposes; >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< I HATE PLAYGROUND DUTY "Cmdr. Green? Captain Billy put a booger in my email." Sniffle, sniffle. "Well, Lt. Suzy, thanks for sharing. Class, why don't we journal about it when we go inside. How do you FEEL about that booger." AAAAAaaaahhhh! --Cmdr. Kelly Green UNPERCHED TRIBBLES "I would like to register a complaint. After I got this tribble home, upon further investigation, I discovered the only reason it was standing on its perch was because it was nailed there." "Well of course it was nailed there, Triblles don't have any feet." --Cmdr. Les "5-0" Rickard TWELVE DOLLARS "Or either a franchise fee....you know, like McDonalds, except our sign won't say over 99 million served (more like over 8,000 screwed)... " --Mandi Herrmann SMITH OF BORG >Lt. JG Michael P. Smith, CE, USS IDIC, R7 >>Lt. JG Michelle "Micki" Smith, USS STAR LEAGUE, R1 >>>Commander Michelle Smith, CO, Shuttle Betelgeuse, R6 >>>>Capt. Jesse Smith, RDC Command, Region 7 >>>>>FCpt. Michael D. Smith, VRC#7 We are Smith of Borg and you will be assimialted. --"Micki" Smith, USS Star League PYTHON REVISITED "Oh what sad times are these, when passing ruffians can say `Ni' at will to old ladies." (Monty Python's "The Holy Grail") --Capt Dennis Gray COME AGAIN? You sent an e-mail message to Sheree.Lovett@PROSTAR.COM. However, this individual has blocked mail from you. Your message was not delivered. --Tsxbbs.Smtp.Mail.Tosser@ well you get the idea... INNARDS "Welp, I'm done venting my spleen for the moment." --Tony Rowley OUM! OUM! OUM! "Fleet politics is not "fun" for most people, so we just don't bring it up. If someone else does, they have to "chant the mantra." (You know, ... "It's just a fan club, it's just a fan club ...")" --Chuck Freas SOMETHING WRONG "If there's nothing wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the Universe?" - Dr. Crusher --LT Danny Potts DUCK! To coin a phrase, if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck..... --FCpt. Michael Smith THINK? --Tom Restivo FLEET FUNGUS We wonder what is going on. The reason we wonder, is that fleet is giving us the mushroom treatment...Keeping us in the dark and feeding us #$%@$ --Lt. John Dennett SAY WHAT? One never says "Ah, that's a load of feces." -=- Glenn Thibert MR. SLOGAN ... You're listening to KPLA, Klingon radio: All glory, all the time! ... * Veni, vidi, velcro -- I came, I saw, I stuck around * ... Vulcan Aerobics: Live long and perspire. ... Starfleet motto: "Don't attack; we're incredibly lucky!" ... Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet'. ... "starfleet@netrail.net, no sleeping on the Promenade. Go home." - Odo ... "That was the stun setting." *bleep* "This is not."-Data ... "The advocate will refrain from making her opponent...disappear." ... DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - The fault is with reality. ... Prune juice: The drink of warriors everywhere! ... "I can not give you what you deny yourself." - Kai Opaka ... Political Correctness is a Borg plot. ... "I am, understandably, curious." -CPT Spock in ST II: TWOK ... "Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc... you're dead." - Q --Lee Shamblin THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND "Ah, I see!" said the blind man. --Jonathan Kus As he picked up his hammer and saw! --Lee Shamblin COULD I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? People wonder why I don't collect autographs. My response is that I will start getting autographs from actors when people start asking for autographs of software engineers!! --Lisa N Paradis Berkenbilt GOING APE How's my Charlton Heston? :)) --Tom Restivo THE BEST PHILOSOPHY "There are no unimportant jobs, no unimportant people, no unimportant acts of kindness." --Anonymous BABCOM5 "Hello. You have reached the Old Ones. If you have encountered the Shadows and require assistance, press 1. If you are a Vorlon, please stay on the Path and a representative will be ready to assist you..." --Tom Restivo TEMPORAL CAUSALITY LOOP I hate temporal mechanics in the listserve! --Tom Restivo PICARD & THE BUNNY "Energize!" said Picard, the pink bunny appeared --Lt. Cmdr. Dennis DENEBIAN VOCABULARY As it leaps out at me, I'll flip open my dictionary and demand, "Define the word 'latrocinium' !" and run away while it sits, confused! --Pete Mohney o/~ WOAH WOAH OHH ... o/~ "Boy, don't I know that feeling, (oohh ... that threat'nd fee_eel_ing!) ..." --Cmdr. Chuck Freas THE LAST STRAW "Plastic, with bendy thing, any sort of opaque color. Clear straws are for babies. Sheesh!" --Pete Mohney EDITOR'S SAVING GRACE "A general rule about publishing: Hardware is not as important as software, and software is not as important as talent." --Greg Trotter STRAPPING "...just the canvas cardigan with wraparound sleeves and the optional wall padding..." --John Jones (Starfleet Marine) LET'S GO TO THE VIDEO TAPE! DS9, B5... sounds like a sports score! --Lt. Cmdr Susan Fox-Davis (UFPI) FLAMEWARS Er, excuse me, but let me go to the Hit-On-The-Head-With-A-Blunt-Instrument ListServ.... "Hold your head like this and go waaaaaa...." --Tom Restivo WHAT'S MIKE SMITH'S URL, AGAIN? You change internet servers like you change underwear. But, changing your underwear is a good thing :-) --Flt. Capt. Michael A. Hess, RDC Medical - R7 >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< NOT SPEAKING IN ANY OFFICIAL MANNER IN THIS POST Lt.Cmdr. Jonathan P. Kus, SCC-27148-7 (brevet promotion 9603.01) "Fleet 7" Regional Newsletter Editor (effective 9602.08) Executive Officer, Outpost Shadowstar (effective 9603.01) >>> Personal responses to aqueon@aol.com <<< "I've been thinking of a 'Rumari' theme for the mess hall next week- lots of high fat, greasy foods- and if people want to take off their clothes and chase one another... ...Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt morale around here." -- Neelix to Tuvok (Voyager; "Meld") --------------------------------------------------------------------------- From Aqueon@AOL.COMThu Jun 6 22:48:28 1996 Date: Sun, 10 Mar 1996 11:26:29 -0500 From: Aqueon@AOL.COM Reply to: starfleet@netrail.net To: starfleet@netrail.net Subject: Some MORE Humorous Quotables (SF Listserve) More items for light-hearted purposes (Posted now, because of their timeliness); >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< CRUISING "The starship. Chicks love the starship." --Tom Restivo SIGHTINGS, SPEECHES, AND SATIRE- OH MY! "Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. StrangeFleet has left the building." --Kurt Roithinger MAKING DEMANDS "That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me. I demand euphoria!" --Calvin YOU OKAY, TOM? Hurt me hurt me. Make me write bad E-mail. --Tom Restivo SOUNDS LIKE... Honk If You've Been Fired By Dan --Gail Rushing & Alan Ravitch (among others) OOPS! WRONG MANTRA. I love the IRS. I love tax season. I love the IRS, etc,.................................................... --Gail Rushing (March '96) LOOKING FOR PROBLEMS One too many "Alien Autopsy" schlockumentaries? --Tom Restivo THE WHOLE LOAF AND NOTHING BUT THE WHOLE LOAF I'm NOT a half-a-loaf kind of guy. --Bob Fillmore EC/AB BRAND HIBACHI Flame me! I'm tied to the Gas Main! --Reid Stanley GET YOUR FRESH TOOTIES AT ANY EC/AB OUTLET If it's not the actual EC/AB member him/herself, then it's tuff tooties? --Raymond A. Brown o/~ " I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ...." o/~ > Anyway, back to the real meat of the post. * Meat Post! I loved his last two albums! --Tom Restivo AND A SIDE OF BACON, PLEASE Trying to send a message to Dan is roughly akin to trying to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. --Phil Bacon (aka Zabondrian Francois Xavier) YOU'RE MAKING ME HUNGRY, STOP! >>> With this post, we can all say we're been "Baconized"! >> Why you... you... Them's fighting woids! ;) >> I challenge you to a duel! Oreo cookies at ten paces! >Uncooked cookie dough at 20 paces... if you dare! --Tom Restivo & Phil Bacon UH-OH, I'VE GOT THAT SINKING FEELING... The best way to sink a corpse is to wrap it in chains... and the best way to sink a fan club is to wrap it tightly in a chain of command. --Gordon Lloyd Goldberg >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< Lt.Cmdr. Jonathan P. Kus, SCC-27148-7 (brevet promotion 9603.01) "Fleet 7" Regional Newsletter Editor (effective 9602.08) Executive Officer, Outpost Shadowstar (effective 9603.01) >>> Personal responses to aqueon@aol.com <<< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< >< "The preceding message was brought to you by..."