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From: Cybrpyro@cris.com (Jon Marburger)
Newsgroups: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die,alt.tv.barney,alt.tv.the-jihad,alt.christnet.dinosaur.barney,alt.satannet.barney,alt.sex.bestiality.barney,alt.exploding.barney,alt.tv.dinosaurs.barney.die.die.die
Subject: Jihad FAQ, Part 4
Followup-To: alt.barney.dinosaur.die.die.die,alt.tv.barney,alt.tv.the-jihad,alt.christnet.dinosaur.barney,alt.satannet.barney,alt.sex.bestiality.barney,alt.exploding.barney,alt.tv.dinosaurs.barney.die.die.die
Date: 15 Aug 1996 14:47:06 GMT
Organization: The Jihad to Destroy Barney the Purple Dinosaur[tm]
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Summary: FAQ
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The Official FAQ of the Jihad to Destroy Barney the Purple Dinosaur[tm] v3.03

        Section IV: The Index[tm] and Other Enemies of the Jihad

Historian & FAQ Keeper: CyberPyro, cybrpyro@iac.net

Section IV:

        - What is The Index[tm] again?
                - What the terminology of this thing?
                - How is it used by Jihaddi?
                - Who is on it right now?
                - How do I get on the Index[tm]?

        - Who are the other enemies of the Jihad?


?What is The Index[tm] again?

        The Index[tm] is a means created by the Historian of the Jihad
(CyberPyro) to record, track, and slate for termination all sponge minions
that the Jihad comes across.  It is also a useful tool of Jihaddi to remember
who is unfit for membership until they repent of their previous stupidity, in
the case of minor offenders.  In the case of someone like M'hik'hie Craf'hord,
it would require the direct intervention of Grimace or the Anti-b'harnii to 
make this evil spongy even minimally acceptable to lurk in the newsgroups.


?What is the terminology of this thing?

        All entries to The (Sponge) Index[tm] look something like this:

         ___________     __________________      ___________________________
        |A|B|N|N|N|N|   |Name______________|    |Net_Address________________|
         -----------
                 ___________________________________________________________
                |Comment,_rarely_used_______________________________________|


        A: The type of thing that deserved to be Indexed[tm].
                S = Sponge Minion
                W = Wyrm Minion

        B: The offense code

                A = Posted _A_dvertisements
                B = Thinks they're _b_'harnii
                C = _C_ured of their evil ways, the only good category
                D = _D_efended b'harnii
                E = _E_ternal hatred, multitude of reasons, beyond salvation
                F = _F_lamed a Jihaddi
                I = _I_diot post
                K = _K_illed by the Jihad
                L = _L_uvs the Hell Wyrm  (gag!)
                P = _P_est
                S = _S_exual contact w/ It of The One Tooth
                T = _T_hinks[sic] b'harnii is a good idea
                U = _U_nknown status, merits further observation (neutral)
                X = Crossposted shit to our newsgroups
                Z = Schi_Z_o
                $ = Posted make.money.fast shit; various scams

        N: Their number in the index.

        Name: Duh, as if you had to ask.

        Net Address: ditto

        Comments: Reserved for a situation that merits it.


?How is it used by Jihaddi?

        The Index[tm] is used by Jihaddi to keep track of Wyrm and Sponge
Minions who are the eternal enemies of the Jihad.  Placement on the Index[tm]
notifies all Jihaddi of another idiot who needs to be destroyed and what crime
they performed.
        The Index Keeper is not the only person who may place "people" (if you
insist on calling spongies that) on the Index[tm].  Any Jihaddi in good stand-
ing may call for someone to be Indexed[tm], provided the target is not a
fellow Jihaddi, who posted something stupid to our newgroups or otherwise
annoyed us in a documentable way.


?Who is on it right now?

        Since The Index[tm] has grown rather large since its inception, it is
now posted separately from the FAQ.  However, I tend to post both at the same
time so if you find the FAQ, The Index[tm] should be close around.


?How do I get on the Index[tm]?

        Simple, be a sponge minion.  Now, please hold this super-dee duper
Concentric Circles Award, take 20 steps back, close your eyes, and the Jihad
Rifle Team will be ready to assist you momentarily.


?Who are the other enemies of the Jihad?

        We have enemies which do not post to the our newsgroups and cannot be
Indexed[tm], but can be placed here so everyone will know them.  They are as
follows:

        Michael Jackson
        Reverend Jimmy and Tammy Faye Bakker
        Jim J. and Tammy Faye   (heretically foul talk show)
        Donny and Marie Osmond
        The Smurfs
        The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
        Mariah Carey  ("She Who Sings With Dolphins" -- Samhain)
        the membership of alt.bigfoot
        the membership of alt.syntax.tactical
        several members of alt.f/lame
        The Lyons Corporation (produced the Hell Wyrm)
        William J and Chantal McCorkle  (air make.money.fast crap on TV)
        The Home Shopping Club  (promotes sponginism)

END OF SECTION IV